Rating the Submissions, part 1: A1E/MBE

Texas Cloverleaf, Liontamer, Crippler Crossface, Anaconda Vice, Dragon Sleeper, Cobra Clutch, Cattle Mutilation, Sharpshooter (with or without bridge)... it seems like repetition is the norm for finisher-grade submission holds. It's a shame too, because I feel you can do so much with submission holds, a lot more than you can with regular impact finishers; you can be so much more creative. Then again, there seems to be a whole lot more in the way of impact finishers though.

Still though, to create your own, semi-unique submission doesn't take nearly as much creativity as it does to do an impact finisher in my humble opinion, so more people really should have unique submissions. To be fair, there are more than a few people out there who try to experiment with the tap-out game. In this entry, I'm going to list some of the moves I feel are standouts and rate them categorically. My six categories...

Effectiveness - How much damage does the move appear to do? In wrestling, a move's only as effective at how well it's sold, but to the ear untainted by announcer's call, some moves don't look like they'd hurt at all. This category measures how much the move "hurts."

Innovation - Is this move something that we've never seen before, be it on TV or in the e-feds? This category measures how creative the finisher is.

Mark-Out Factor - This is probably the most subjective category I have, because it's basically all about me :p Or moreover, it's the sort of "Holy shit" factor, the move's crowd-popping ability.

Ease of Application - Does the move take thirty years to apply? Or can you slap it on and have your opponent tapping in it in the time it takes to get a beer out of the fridge?

Character Fit - Does the move fit your character? Obviously, a move like Mandible Claw is going to work for Mankind better than it would blue-blood era Triple H. Stuff like that is a huge factor in how good a move is going to be for a certain wrestler.

Name - Does your move have a cool name or a highly pretentious one? Another big factor in how over a move is is the name.

All categories are ranked on a scale of 1 (worst) to 5 (best). I'll start with primarily A1E/MBE characters.

Now that that's all out of the way... the moves!

The Judas Cradle - Beast (A1E, UCW, EPW)

Move Description - "With his opponent face down on the mat, Beast steps over his opponent, facing their feet. He then sets up like a reverse figure four, but then bridges over backwards - over top of the opponent to prevent escape. The move puts unbearable pressure on the shins, knees, and quadriceps." -- From Beast's profile at The A1E site

The original mark-out submission finisher from A1E, the Cradle has been a staple in Beast's moveset for as long as Jarret's handled Beast.

Effectiveness - 4: I can definitely see this move legit ripping both ACLs. It looks a bit awkward, especially for someone of Beast's size, but I don't think this move would have a problem getting over.

Innovation - 4: It's a modification on moves like the inverted figure four or the Texas Cloverleaf, but it's still a modification that I haven't seen often if at all.

Mark-out Factor - 5: Beast has been using this since the beginning, and to me, it's the original of the crazy submissions (along with Nemesys' Wheel). It's longevity plus the relative rarity of it in terms of the rest of wrestling would make this a prime move to pop a crowd (and a regular A1E reader!).

Ease of Application - 3: For a larger wrestler such as Beast, this move may be harder to pull off. Although he specifies amazing dexterity and knowledge of submissions, any bridging move is going to take a good effort to do.

Character Fit: - 4: Beast is a self-professed submissions expert, and to be an expert, you have to know moves that the gen-pop doesn't. The only thing I don't like about this move for Beast though is his size makes it awkward looking and perhaps awkward to apply.

Name: - 5: It was a great name then because it fit Beast's dark heel nature. It's a great name now because of unmitigated nostalgia.

The Smiley Face - Chip Friendly (A1E)

Move Description - "A submission hold that works on the same theory as the Mandible Claw; while sitting on opponents back, Chip places two fingers from each hand into opponents mouth and - digging into the soft flesh behind the upper molars - pulls back, giving the mouth a weird grimace to it as he painfully pressurizes the nerves back there." -- From Chip's profile at The A1E site

It's a combination of two classic submissions: the camel clutch and the fishhook!

Effectiveness - 2: Mouth pain can be a bitch, but comparatively speaking, there's not a whole lot you can do to set this move up for its major kayfabed target area. Sure it also works like a camel clutch, but the mouth stuff is more for visual than physical effect. Plus, it can effectively be countered with a chomp.

Innovation - 2: I've had this done to me in the schoolyard, actually. I know it's not a fair way of judging the innovation, but I've seen it before. I probably should bump it up seeing no one else has it in eW, but I'm a stickler :p

Mark-out Factor - 5: This move is so old school that it's not even funny, and that's a good thing. This is the kind of move where you scream at the TV screen and say "HOLY SHITBALLS! I DO THAT TO MY FRIENDS IN THE SCHOOLYARD!"

Ease of Application - 4: The camel clutch is a pretty easy move to lock in. The fishhook part brings the easy part down, since it takes some finagling to get inside someone's mouth.

Character Fit: - 5: Your best friend makes you smile... if that's not a perfect fit of a move for a wrestler, I don't know what is.

Name: - 5: Once again, simple name, gets the effectiveness of the move across and it has a certain level of irony to it.

Double Trouble - IrishRed (A1E, UCW, EPW, MBE)

Move Description - "Knee off of the top rope to the opponent's kidney area into an ankle lock with knee still driving into the kidney area." -- From IrishRed's profile at A1Dub's Efed Smarts and Marks forum.

A high risk submission move from the original Midwestern Mafioso.

Effectiveness - 4: It's the best of two worlds, pressure on the ankle and attack on an internal organ. Anyone who's been punched in the kidneys can tell you that hurts like a mofo. Plus any move that gives an announcer the excuse to say the phrase "pissing blood" will always strike awe into any viewer who might have been questioning the move's efficacy in the past.

Innovation - 2: Both innovation points come from the actual knee drop part, which to my knowledge isn't used by anyone in e-fed or real fed. The ankle lock is garden variety. I'm gathering at least three people in any fed will have it listed in their movesets. Still, kudos for jazzing it up a bit.

Mark-out Factor - 3: It has the initial "HOLY SHIT" factor, but after that, the ankle lock has become sort of commonplace to viewers. Plus, it's not even his primary submission.

Ease of Application - 2: Each of the bookends of the move are easy to pull off, but it requires a very awkwardly contrived set up between the halves. Plus anything top-rope isn't going to be easy to apply.

Character Fit: - 4: Red is a rough and tumble road warrior, so the knee drop fights right in his "hurt you in any way possible" mentality. You'd think an ankle lock is too technical for him, but let's remember it's a fairly simple looking move and doesn't take a Kurt Angle to apply it correctly.

Name: - 3: It's part of a motif of naming signature moves after classic rock songs. The name signifies its two pronged nature, but there's something flat about it.

I'll be back with more later!

Piggybacking off of David here

This entry is just my own addendum to what David wrote in the previous essay (since that's an iteration of one or two of my favorite topics: wrestling topicality and the slow death of eW).

Anyway, PTC forums have a folder devoted for free agents to show their wares for PTC fedheads exclusively. I think this is a pretty keen idea for an interfed to have, but that's neither here nor there for the point I'm making in this entry.

Anyhoo, you see some doozies of profiles and you see some good profiles. And then you see profiles like this one.

Now, on the surface, that looks like a fantastic profile. He's got his appearance and his attire and his mannerisms all set out. The sample RP looks tremendous. He's a catch for any fed, right?

Well... take a look again. Where's his finishing move? His wrestling style? Title history? Notice his history section includes very little about wrestling, how he entered it just as a side job, and how now, his main goal is to become the head of a publishing company.

Now, I'm not saying this is a bad character bio, but it definitely doesn't have its priorities straight. How can you enter into an e-wrestling promotion without giving a single inkling into what kind of wrestler your character is? I'm not saying you have to go all tSC Matchwriting Aid on your application or FA post, but why not throw in a ring style, a finisher and maybe a few signature moves?

I mean, I know that writing talent is held at a premium over wrestling enthusiasm, but this is ridiculous, especially in comparison to this app. This page really is a breath of fresh air. It's clear from the title ("Writers Itch") that Ross is looking for a place to hone his writing skills, but in his profile, he notes and goes into good detail how he is as a wrestler.

Once again, I don't ask that folks drop change their attitudes about wrestling completely or even at all. I just wish that people would be more aware of the environment they wish to write in. That's all.

The definitive JA profile

I'll do Maggs in the morning.

Jericoholic Anonymous
The Anglo Luchador, the Ayatollah of Michael Cole-ah, Jay-Aye

Height: 6'
Weight: 215 and 3/8 lbs.
From: Philadelphia, PA

Feds: A1E, CSWA, EPW (all current), MBE: UX
Titles Held: A1E Cyber (2x), A1E Tag (2x, w/Euclid), CSWA Greensboro (Current), EPW Intercontinental, WCW Television (not recognized)

Disposition: Sarcastic babyface who abides by a code of honor and is driven by love of the wrestling industry. Puts on a comic front to disarm opponents.

Image: Face is obscured by the World Famous Lucha Mask of DOOM~! (which oddly, changes every week) Leg length tights of various design, usually coordinating with his lucha mask. White wrist tape, solid unicolor boots with white or black laces, depending on whether the boots are light or dark colored. Has a slender frame, though not a skinny prick. He gots muscles, mang. Almost no body fat

Entrance Music: "Eat the Rich" Fozzy
Entrance Description: The arena lights go down except around the entrance area, where a single light silhouettes a man, back turned and arms in wingspan. Then, there's a pyrotechnic explosion, "Eat the Rich" cues up, and the figure jumps around, revealing JA.

Style: Hybrid among Japanese strong style head dropping, lucha libre and WCW spot cruiser-libre

Finishers:

Tier One

Tombstone Piledriver - duh

Lucky Seven Suplex - Variant of the Japanese Ocean Suplex, a move made famous by Joshi star Manami Toyota. JA grabs the victim's left arm with his right hand and pulls it across the victim's throat. He then grabs the victim's right arm with his left hand and holds it across the abdomen and through the victims legs. Then, JA goes back with a suplexing motion, all impact, no bridge.

The Walls of Jericoholic - JA's standard submission hold, a liontamer, a homage to his hero, Chris Jericho

Tier Two

Karelin Driver (primary finisher) - Voted the most dangerous move in wrestling in 2001 by the readers of PWI, it's a variation of an amateur hold by Russian great Aleksander Karelin (duh). JA grabs the victim in a gutwrench, holds him parallel to the ground while spinning him 180 degrees before dropping back and landing the victim on his neck at a sharp angle. Can be done from the top rope and done as a tier three destroyer.

Tier Three (destroyers... VERY RARE)

Karelin Driver '01 - Gutwrench piledriver

Lionsplash - Frogsplash done off a 20 ft. ladder

Regular Moveset: (not limited to these moves) Frogsplash, spinning heel kick, moonsault, lionsault, release dragon suplex, rolling clutch pin, inverted Indian deathlock, powerbomb, plancha over the top to the outside, butterfly suplex, dropkick, knife-edge chops, open faced bulldog, pendulum backbreaker, Mexican surfboard stretch, Mexican stretch bomb, butterfly backbreaker, guillotine leg drop

Three Strengths:

1. "I'm not quick, I'm sudden." - Although less so after his back injury in 2001/2, JA is still a very quick and agile wrestler who can run circles around oafish lummoxes, negating their size advantage.

2. Technically proficient - Having trained in the Hart Dungeon, JA's chops are undeniable. Knows an extensive amount of counters in several wrestling disciplines.

3. Silver tongued - One of the best mic-men in the business. A lot of JA's psychological advantages are traced back to his promo techniques, aimed at getting under the skin of his opponents, taking them off their game just enough for JA to capitalize on their lack of focus.

Three Weaknesses:

1. Bad back - The aforementioned injury in 2001/2... although JA claims he's fully healed, backs are chronic, and targeting that area is a good way to limit JA's mobility, taking away a lot of his offense and defense.

2. Easily frustratable - JA has been known to go into long fits of frustration/self-doubt/self-pity/blame-gameitis where one single loss can take him off his game and cause losing streaks.

3. Tries to do too much - Thinks he's a super-heavyweight at times, and will try to use pure-lifting moves in his arsenal (like powerbombs, overhead suplexes, piledrivers) on larger opponents, especially if he's gotten on a roll using leverage based moves to keep an opponent down. The upper limit of JA's lifting capabilities is around 250 lbs. The Karelin Driver is exempt from this weight limit because it is a leverage based move, but KD '01 can only be used those below that weight ceiling.

Matchwriting Aid: To Jericoholic Anonymous, the path to victory is simple. If your opponent can't walk, he can't win.

There are two routes to go. Take out the legs and eliminate the actual instruments for walking, or take out the back/neck and damage the source.

Usually, JA will go for the latter, especially if he can utilize his lifting offense. If this is the case, JA will aggressively target the head, neck and back with impact maneuvers, heading towards a finish with the Karelin Driver. Beginning of the match will focus on concussive strikes, mainly chops to get the foe off-balance, then kicks to the head after his guard is let down. Later on in the match, JA will move towards suplexes and other head-droppers until the opponent is sufficiently beaten down for KD.

For larger opponents, or for bitter rivals, JA will go the tap-out route, targeting the legs and lower back to set up for the Walls. Early match strategy will be peppering kicks to the leg to knot them up and make foe easier to get off his feet for leverage based moves like backbreakers and tilt-a-whirls out of the Irish whip.

If all else fails, JA will go kamikaze, especially if he's in the wrong state of mind, or if none of his strategies seem to be working.

Normally, this would be accompanied by an in-character history, but I'm way too tired.

Something I should have done awhile ago

I was going to rant about GTT5 being more a free-form writing competition rather than an e-wrestling tournament, but it would probably seem like sour grapes because I lost, it's a little too late for my time scope, and I have too much respect for Ross and the operation he's running, especially given the fact that any tournament of that size is nearly impossible to run, and he gets it done year in and year out.

Anyway, what I want to write about now is match psychology and strategies for e-fedders. More often than not, n00bs and those who aren't that good at this game will just write down random moves that sound cool. I've been guilty of that in the past.

But to really understand nuances of wrestling and to give matchwriters an easier time of writing for your character, you need to have a sense of psychology. But it's not that important if you don't, if you think about it. A lot of guys who wrestle for a living have no idea about match psychology, and I'm not just talking about the kings of the indie spotfest you see in bingo halls and high school gyms.

But then again, if you realize this, and you explicitly state that your character doesn't know a damn thing about psychology, then you already have a leg up in the development of your character's ring identity.

In e-fedding though, it's hard, especially in RP-based feds, because the bulk of what is judged and written are match promos and angles. Still though, everyone takes pride in having insane movesets, and I know matchwriters take MUCH pride in the matches they write, whether people read them or not.

There was one fed on the Net that was run by matchwriters for matchwriters. I guess you could say they were the ROH of e-feds. Run by Mike Renner, The Magically Delicious Pants and others, the Squared Circle was an angle fed that had strict kayfabe match rules, and very detailed cards.

Matchwriting, psychology, wrestling... they were all keystones to the fed, and it showed as most of the handlers had extensive matchwriting guides for their characters. Those guides were interesting to read, to say the least.

But the drawbacks to tSC cards were that they were often times too long, and no one could really read them in three sittings let alone one. When you have a fed that is by matchwriters, for matchwriters, well you can get self-indulgence.

But we can learn something from tSC, aside from the "don't have massive cards" thing, is that having a matchwriting guide can make things easier.

And I don't mean to keep mentioning NFW in a positive light here (because I hear Katz gets embarrassed), but them mandating the listing of three strengths and weaknesses for their applications is a really good wrinkle to the establishment of psychology. It forces you to actually sell for your character, something that some folks are hesitant to do.

So I think that applications/profiles should include these things. For all feds. I think I may revamp TEAM applications to include all that.

Of course, a matchwriting guide doesn't have to be a 5 page dissertation on how to write for your character. A paragraph should do in most cases.

But yeah. And I'm going to do proper profiles tonight for JA and Maggot and post them here. Just as an example. BUt not now.