Saturday, August 13, 2005


Here we go, the UDWA's first pay-per-view, which I'm going to call...


The card is as follows:

1st round tournament matches
Spoiler vs. Professor Tremendous
Beast vs. Shane Southern
James Irish vs. Troy Windham
Alias vs. Hida Yakamo

2nd round matches
Spoiler/ProfT vs. Beast/Southern
Irish/Windham vs. Alias/Yakamo

10 Man Tag Match
The Queen's Court (Lindsay Troy, Nemesys, Reign, Joey Melton, Cameron Cruise) vs. Boogie Smallz, Karl Brown, W. Clark and a mystery team


Anyway, to the wrestling~!

Match 1: Spoiler vs. Professor Tremendous

The match is basically Spoiler kicking the crap out of Prof T until Slambo the Clown makes his presence. However, Slambo is waylaid by Beau Michaels before he can hit the ring and Spoiler wins after a healthy SpoilerBomb (WHAM~!). The rovign band of security breaks up Slambo and Beau.

Match 2: Beast vs. Shane Southern

This is a classic encounter. Beast grinds down on Southern in the early going, but the former CSWA Champion comes back with his resiliency. Beast gets an advantage and sets Southern up for Absolution (TD '91... w/ATTITUDE~! after a ref bump, but Eddie Mayfield comes out of the crowd, turns Beast around, hits him with the CLASSIC Screwjob (spinning tombstone) and revives the ref. Southern covers Beast and advances.

Match 3: James Irish vs. Troy Windham

ANother back and forth affair. Irish has the distinct advantage when Windham rolls out of the ring and grabs Erin Flanagan (James' valet). James charges after him, but Windham drops and tosses Erin out of the way, causing Irish to go headfirst into the barricade. Windham rolls Irish into the ring, hits a SlackKnife (neckbreaker... kinda like an inverted stunner) for good measure and gets the pin.

Match 4: Alias vs. Hida Yakamo

This is the match of the first round. Classic back and forth affair with Hida Yakamo having Alias in position for the HIDADRIVER~! (Oh the Humanity) (Running sitout Razor's Edge), but as Hida's running, Alias slips out of his grip. Hida turns around and Alias nails him with a lightning quick A-Bomb (tiltawhirl tombstone) and gets the win.

Match 5: Spoiler vs. Shane Southern

Spoiler is in control for a good portion of the match. Southern puts up a much better fight than Prof T does. Spoiler gets him in position for a SpoilerBomb when Eddie Mayfield once again appears, this time distracting both the ref and Spoiler. Mayfield gets into a heated argument with the ref while unbeknownst to him and the Spoiler, Craig Miles sneaks into the ring, turns the Force of Nature around and delivers him a MILEStone (sitout piledriver). Southern gets up and delivers a Party's Over superkick for good measure and pins the Spoiler to advance.

Match 6: Alias vs. Troy Windham

Yes, Troy Windham DOES hit an actual wrestling move in this one, unlike in their previous encounter. It's a pretty even match. Windham has Alias set up for the SlackKnife, but Alias breaks out of it and hits a flash A-bomb, winning by pinfall.

Match 7: Ten Man Tag

The arena explodes when it's announced that the UNEMPLOYED COLLEGE STUDENTS are announced as the mystery team partners. It's a nutso affair, with The Queen's Court using every trick in the book to try and get over on the faces. The match ends with FINISHER MANIA~! Sweet Jesus Funk hits Joey Melton with a Japanese Ocean Cyclone suplex. Reign hits the Burning Hammer on Sweet Jesus Funk, PILE hits Reign with PILE's Best (TD '91), PILE gets nailed with a clothesline from behind and a Curb Stomp from Nemesys, Nemesys gets the business end of a Dragon's Bite from Karl Brown, who gets nailed with a Shipwreck (Emerald Fusion) from Cameron Cruise, who gets knocked for a loop by a Bunker Buster (Burning Hammer) from W. Clark, who gets waylaid by Lindsay Troy and a Final Judgement (Pedigree). Finally, Lindsay Troy is blindsided by Boogie SMallz and a Power Bong (180 degree spinning power bomb). Boogie gets the pin and his team gets the win.

Match 8: UDWA Championship Finals: Shane Southern vs. Alias

Both men are weary from two matches earlier in the night, but it's still a classic. The Pulp Original gives Southern all he can handle, and vice versa. The match comes to a close with Alias stunning Southern. He goes in for the A-Bomb, but before he can, the speakers start playing "Voodoo Chile" by Ben Harper. Alias and the ref look around for Eddie Mayfield and/or Craig Miles, but neither of them come out. Southern uses the distraction to hit Alias with a low blow. When the ref looks over, Southern hits Alias with a Party's Over superkick and wins the match. Shane Southern is the first-ever UDWA World Heavyweight Champion. The Professionals come out and pose with Southern, but then the Spoiler comes out clears house for being screwed out of his match. The PPV ends with a shot of an enraged Force of Nature.


Anonymous said...

Southern TEAMING with the Professionals. Man, that's like Bizarro World shit there! haha


Tom Holzerman said...

Well, Craig Miles did help Shane Southern burn the living shit out of Eddie Mayfield. So in my warped booking mind, Southern remembered that Miles gave him a hand, but forgot that it was to burn the living shit out of Mayfield :)