Tuesday, September 05, 2006

A Tribute to the Crocodile Hunter, in E-fed Form (plus, new e-fed site!)

Before I get to this post, there's a new e-fed related community, started up by Antoine!, who handles Malik Roland.

Circle in Motion

I'll add the link to the right after this post goes up.

Anyway, now, just in case you haven't heard the news, the world lost one of its most eccentric TV personalities. Steve Irwin, known better as The Crocodile Hunter, lost his life Monday after a stingray stabbed him in the chest and pierced his heart. Irwin was known for his daring encounters with wild and dangerous animals and for his catchphrase "Crikey!" He leaves behind two children and a wife.

Now, what does this have to do with e-fedding? Well, as my tribute to the Crocodile Hunter, I'm going to repost a promo I did in MBE with Benoitholic Anonymous back in the day that featured Mr. Irwin. I know all of us poked fun at him, and hell, this promo does just that, but still, he was a good guy and I wouldn't have poked fun at him so lightheartedly if I didn't like him. This is my tribute to Steve Irwin.

Steve Irwin... yes, that Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, is walking down the hallways of the MBE Arena, following a tell tale trail of crumpled up Jolt cans.

CH: Crikey! Look at all these cans! This surely means our creature 'as been on a feeding frenzy, loading up on 'is favorite food source, the 'igh-caffeine sodie! Come on, I think we're getting close to his nest...

Crocodile Hunter stalks down the hallway, kicking away can after can until he finally reaches a door with the words "Benoitholic Anonymous" stenciled on it.

CH: quietly Alright now, we're gonna sneak up on the bugger, while he's eating, and give 'im a good surprise!

Crocodile Hunter slowly opens the door and peeks in to see Benoitholic chugging down fervishly on soda after soda. Sitting next to him are 16 cases of Jolt Cola.

CH: Crikey, he's really tearing into his prey. This species is very dangerous while feeding, so I'm gonna run over and tackle 'im! Ready... one... two...

Irwin rushes over to Benoitholic, making as much noise as a bull in a China shop. Benoitholic is startled, lets out a cry much akin to a wildebeest who has just seen a cheetah, and chucks the can of Jolt right at Irwin's head, clunking him right between the eyes. Crocodile Hunter stumbles back.


All the while, Benoitholic is squealing and freaking out like a damn dirty ape. Irwin is down on the ground, cursing in his Aussie accent. Benoitholic stops carrying on and looks at his assailant on the ground. He instantly notices him as...


Irwin gets up.

CH: Hey! Don'tcha be stealing me lines, you filthy bugger!

BA: Wow, I cannot get over how cool it is that the Crocodile Hunter is in my locker room right now, I mean you've been everywhere like Australia and Africa and Sheboygan, Wisconsin and YEAH!! SHEBOYGAN!! I wanna go to Sheboygan and meet all the wildlife they have there, like, umm... uhh... what kinda wildlife do they have in Sheboygan anyways?

CH: Packers fans.

BA: OH man! I heard they're the nastiest of the nasty and they're mean and smelly and mean and dumb and smell like poo and... ummm, uhh... uh, yeah... umm...

Benoitholic scratches his head momentarily

BA: Hey, how come a famous superstar celebrity like you is here in my locker room trying to tackle me?

CH: I'm trying to study your species feeding 'abits, mate. Well, that and get a bloomin' interview with you.

BA: Huh? You wanna talk to me about my match? Huh? What happened to Coach? HUH? DID YOU HURT COACH, YOU MEANIE?

Benoitholic is about ready to strangle Irwin, but the Croc Hunter settles him down

CH: No, no, no, crikey, settle down. Coach is off in the journalists lounge cryin' 'is bloomin' eyes out 'bout somethin'. Any'ows, I saw ya topple over your opponent for the match this week. Gettin' a 'ead start on your match?

BA: Well, I was just runnin' around the halls of the MBE Arena to get prepared for my match because that's how I like to train and I do it well and I like running around saying WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE all buzzed up and everything, but I kept smashing into people, you know SMASH SMASH SMASH! HULK SMASH HULK SMASH RAAWWWWWWR!! YEAH!!! RAAWWWR!!! YEAH!! And... ummm... uhh... what was I saying again?

CH: You were talkin' 'bout trainin' mate.

BA: OH YEAH! So I was training and I kept smashing into people, and one of the people I smashed into was El Tremendo who looked like my big brother Jericoholic the morning after his senior prom and he didn't look good at all but I can't feel sorry for him because I'm gonna make him cry and take his GOLD~! but it was an accident but it was an accident that helped me out so I was happy and I thought I made good strides in making that doodoobrain cry but I figured that he might just be fooling around because no one really comes to the arena that hung over so I figured I'd come back here and drink all kinds of JOlt Cola so I could be the most BUZZED I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE!!! YEAH!!! BUZZZ!! I mean I have to be buzzed because I'm going for GOLD~! YEAH~! BUZZ FOR GOLD BABY~! YEAH!! WHOOOOOOOOOO!!

CH: oblivious See that kids? Whenever the wild babbling luchador is done feedin', it often goes on ramblin' tangents and just won't shut it's bloody trap. Crikey! I mean, 'ave you ever 'eard such a run-on sentence in your life?

Irwin looks over at Benoitholic, who is looking at him like he has five heads.

BA: Heyyyyyyyyyy, you aren't mocking me, are you, because if you are, I can make you cry I mean just because you're famous and like you put your head inside an alligator's mouth before doesn't make you immune from me making you cry like a nancy boy, nancy boy...

CH: I wasn't mockin' you, I was just... umm, on second thought mate, why don'tcha just go back to drinkin' your bloomin' sodie. Crikey!


Benoitholic goes back to guzzling down the cola. Irwin crouches about 8 feet away from the masked superstar.

CH: Alright, now that 'e's feedin' again, we can go back to monitorin' 'is 'abits while eatin', or more importantly, 'is 'abits when he's provoked while eatin'. Now I'm gonna take this stick...

The camera shakes back and forth.

CH: What do you mean no? Crikey...

Cameraman: I don't think this is such a good idea, Steve. I'm outta here.

CH: Fine, be that way.

Croc Hunter picks up the stick as the camera turns away. As the camera leaves the room, a loud crashing noise and plenty of "Crikeys" and "Get 'im off mes" can be herd as the camera books out of there.

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